Star Wars or Star Clowns

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is due to release in theaters today (boo), December 20th. Star Wars kinda fell off I’m gonna be honest, I have not been hyped for a release since the seventh installment. I am not gonna see the new one, I really couldn’t care less. I do care about fashion though, and to hype up the release of the Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars has been involved in a myriad of collaborations, including everything from watches to jean jackets. Just like the new movies though, boy oh boy are they forgettable.

Star Wars x Uniqlo

Uniqlo tees are nothing special. They are a broke boy flex, but respectable enough. I always find their collections underwhelming, and I’m starting to catch on to their rinse and repeat shenanigans. James Jarvis, Stash, and Masumi Ishiwaka designed the artwork for the latest collaboration, creating a collection of underwhelming prints. Star Wars has some pretty cool iconography, and the collection was in honor of its 40 year anniversary, so it’s not like James Jarvis and co. had a small pool to pick designs from. They just happened to design some of the most disgusting prints of the year. Clip art type beat. This is the kind of stuff I would doodle in 5th grade. The tees and prints are basic, with no interesting colors or designs. More often than not they just feature a simple portrait of the character they were commissioned to design. My favorite piece has to be the Darth Vader hoodie, featuring his helmet surrounded by flames. Awesome dude! I can’t wait to wear this to my next playdate. Overall the collection is childish and lazy, I guess I need to start lowering my standards for Uniqlo.

Meister’s x Star Wars

Meister’s consistently releases stylish watches for good prices. Most of their models target a midrange market going for somewhere between 150-400 dollars (perfect for a graduation gift!). They are usually crafted elegantly, mixing rare metals and carefully crafted leather bands, but they really dropped the ball with their Star Wars collection. The collection featured seven watches modeled after Meister’s Ambassador X silhouette, designed to represent prominent characters from The Mandalorian, as well as Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. This collaboration is the least offensive, but it still seems underwhelming. The watches are simple and only feature small hints of color referencing their character inspirations. At first glance you wouldn’t know they were Star Wars inspired watches, which is perfect, I guess, for you nerds looking for a subtle flex.

Levis x Star Wars

Bruh whose mans. This jacket is putrid. I cannot believe they came up with this design and then put it into production. Surely someone along the way alluded to the fact that this was an awful idea. The embroidery on the back is so poorly done. It doesn't fit the jacket at all and stands out like a big fat sore thumb. This Levis trucker jacket released as part of Levis' “Authorized Vintage Collection,” which is honestly conceptually intriguing. Their Authorized Vintage Collection focuses on sustainability, by rereleasing Levis Vintage Denim that has been unaltered or expertly tailored to retain its authenticity. The main goal of the project is to revive the lives of vintage jeans, jackets, and shirts, by releasing them to the public at a traditional price. The pieces all come pre-worn, removing the break-in period, and allowing consumers to become more invested in the lives of their denim products as they get better with age. The Star Wars trucker jacket shits all over that idea. The denim itself looks absolutely gorgeous, but I’m still trying to figure out whose ugly ass dog is on the back.

Bape x Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Yo who knew Bape would produce another underwhelming collection. I cannot believe people still buy this shit. Bape could collaborate with anyone on earth and still produce the same thing. As usual, the collection features coach jackets, hoodies, and tees all sporting Star Wars characters in the traditional Baby Milo style. They brought nothing new to the table and this collection will soon be forgotten as it is quickly replaced by Bape’s next disappointing collaboration.

Vetements x Star Wars

This was the most hyped Star Wars collaboration of the year, and honestly, I was excited to see what they had in store for us. I am a big fan of Vetements. I specifically love their bravery when it comes to poking fun at high fashion normalities and traditions. This collection was embarrassing though. The goal was to incorporate classic Star Wars iconography into staple pieces from Vetements. The tees and sweatshirts they released were nothing special. They often featured the artwork from vintage Star Wars movie posters and a Vetements logo plastered somewhere “creative.” The worst pieces in the collection are the sweaters, sweatshirts, and dresses all made from the same ugly print. The print is lazily made up of the Vetements logo and Star Wars logo in alternating diagonal lines. Disgusting.

The other pieces from the collection were nothing more than exaggerated silhouettes with lazy logo placement. Too bad too sad Sam, guess you gotta wait till the next movie. B,b,b,but you mean to tell me this is the last Star Wars movie. Well, guess we are stuck with this half-assed garbage collection for the rest of our lives. The only noteworthy pieces were the two pairs of gorgeous knee-high heels. On both pairs, the 4-inch heels bled into a deep black knee-high rubber upper. One pair showcased a Star Wars credit style print on the outside leg, while the other pair showed a brilliant Darth Vader head print. Both pairs are must-buys for all lovely ladies out there. Other than that shame on you Vetements!